Wednesday, July 26, 2006

This just proves my Theory...

...Germans love David Hasselhoff!!

No not that theory, the one that states, Only Idiots Use a Blog.

When bored at work i sometimes hit the "Next Blog" button at the top right hand side of Blogger pages. Just to see what I get.

I found this today.


I just ate one, and I don't like them. They are good for you. They provide potassium and good carbs. But I think they're icky and I have to work to finish one. Trying to envision all the good of the banana helped me to gag it down.

That was the whole post. Now I know I'm not much of a creative poster myself but c'mon!

I could Blog about how the Listerine burns when i swish, or how Flip Flops make my friend squeamish (ture story)...I don't, but I could.

Now I won't reveal the name of the Blog or the person, cuz that's pretty bad, but i will direct this person (who is not an 8 year old girl btw) to steer clear of this guy.

Methinks someone has a phallic obsession like a FotherMucker. Not the Blog Idiot, the yellow Idiot.

Have a great day everyone.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Trooper Clerks you've surmised that I figured out how to use Blog and Youtube together as one delicious candy with a delightfully gooey centre. So here is a blend of two of my great loves..Star Wars and Clerks.

Most of you, I'm sure, have already seen this (if you're cool)but what the heck. Enjoy
Bear Driving!!!

Hilarious! This is what happens when you let the Korean Animators finish CLERKS.

Dante & Randall Strike Back

I went to see Clerks II today....

...and it's all about hetero-life mates.

Yep, that's right aside from the gorgeous Rosario Dawson with her big, beautiful boobies bouncing around, it's all about men loving men.

I'm serious. And I'm seriously thinking about emailing Kevin Smith and asking for my seven-fiddy back. It's a big comic dick fest!!

Let me first say that i am a huge fan of Kevin Smith, his life, his attitude, BUT not all of his work. (actually I pretty much like everything EXCEPT Chasing Amy)

Clerks. - I loved it, intelligenly written for my mentality at that time. It was one of those movies you and your cool friends travelled 2 hours to see in the big city cuz they didn't play artsy films like that back in good old we had the dialogue memorized to the point where "others" wouldn't know what we were talking about. Yeah..we were Clerks. nerds.

So here we are 10 years later and I am lucky enough to still be in contact with one of those cool friends that went to see it all those years ago. One of those who can still recite Randall's theory of the Death Star labour force.

The movie is pretty much what we expected. A lot of foul language, a lot of non-politically correct scenes and vulgarity. But like I said in the opening...lots of "Man Love"!!!

1. Like Bert and Ernie, Jay and Silent Bob are still together, making us all question their sexual leanings.

2. Randall and Dante are still together...(see above)

3. There are sexually explicit scenes of ACTUAL male on male sex that I care not to repeat, I'll let you witness it for yourselves.

4. There is much talk about how Hobbits are gay (not that there's anything wrong with that)

5. There is even a scene were one of the other clerks, Elias', sexual preferences are challenged.

Now most of it was truly funny, gross, funny, offensive, disturbing, funny, vomit inducing, side splitting...there just that man on man trend within the movie that, strangely, Smith doesn't mention anyway on his media blitz across the nation.

But mostly I'll remember Rosario...

In the end IT IS a funny movie...2 things to watch for:

...Pussy Troll
...Buffalo Bill


Thursday, July 20, 2006

Vader Sessions

Sit back and enjoy. Vader parodies crack me, so consistenly, up.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

New Toys

We've been talking about getting a DVD Recorder since my birthday (in March) and it finally happened on the weekend. Ended up with the Top-Of-The-Store model LG brand recorder with 250G of hardrive. That's alot of space to record pR0n i tells ya!!!

Anyway, the next thing to get was an upgrade to our Bell ExpressVU reciever. I have been using an OLD model for about 7 years. It worked great but it doesn't have the feature of working with the timer on the recorder. Now everything is cool. I am pretty happy to have something new to tinker around with...even though most people have been using DVD recorders for three years or so. I'm always behind the times.

No matter, now I can burn directly to a disk or save things on the Hardrive and edit them later. I can load pictures straight from the mem card and finally convert my home video directly to disk.

So.... I get ready to play away at the features, etc of the new system, the power goes out! We had a pretty nasty storm last night. It tore up trees all over the city. Power is stil out in some areas, rooves were lifted, sheds blown away. Basically a mini hurricane without all the water. They say there were even a few tornados. CRAZY.

Luckily our neighbourhood was spared (except for the 4 hour power black out). I actually was able to BBQ our dinner on the deck without getting too wet.

Back to normal today (was hoping that somehow the office was blown away). Boo! Hiss!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Little Man

The Wayan Bros. must be stopped!

Ok...Scary Movie was funny. Scary Movie 2 and 3?? Not so much.

White Chicks nearly had me vomiting my SlimJims from the site of the brothers in that horrid white make-up and blue, china doll, eyes. *Shiver*

Now they come up with Little Man. About a pint-sized crook that evades the police by posing as a baby.

That's just blatant thievery....and stealing from Bugs Bunny ain't cool in my book sistah!

That's right they stole the entire premise from a Bugs Bunny Cartoon from 1954 call "Baby Buggy Bunny" featuring the celebrated voice of Mel Blanc as Ant Hill Harry aka Baby Face Finster. It's one of my favourite cartoons which is why this movie has gotten me all riled up. I hate remakes.

After all this, they had better make a decent movie out of the story, just for the sake of not tarnishing the great memory of the Bugs cartoon. But come on...really...This is going to be about as good as a Krusty Whatchamcarcass Sandwich...that's right, it's non-diseased meat but from a diseased animal...ugh!

Stuff like this make me pretty mad. Either 1) there is no creative minds left in Hollywood or 2) those people making movies are too lazy and scared to make original, creative movies. It's all about the opening weekend, "let's see how many people we can scam into seeing this steaming pile of horse shit and then go on to the next remake, or re-imaged pile of horse shit" thing.

I see they are remaking "Adventures in Babysitting" now with Raven Simone...what's next?

"Smurfs 2007" is sure to be a hit...

...damn smurfing Idiots!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Dead Man's Chest

We went to see Pirate's of the Caribbean 2 this afternoon.

It's THE Best example of how a summer movie should be. Pirates!!! More pirates I say!!!

I say this because there is no preachy sub text like in Superman Return or Xmen 3. It's not a Crib note version of a book like daVinci Code.

It was Damn Fun!

I think that once again Depp is superb as Sparrow...BUT maybe a little TOO Sparrow at some points. You know what I mean? It's hard for me to explain it. Like he is making a caricature of a character that is already a caricature of 'Keef'. Some times it seems like it's not Depp that is overacting, but Sparrow is overacting?!?! Like the character is going for the laughs. There are times when I was laughing at it but at the same time saying where's all the cheese to go with all this HAM!

And I gotta say,love her or hate her, Keira Knightly is beautiful. Gorgeous! Albeit, we never see her jutting chest bones or ribcage, she's hidden behind billowy dresses and pirate "puffy" shirts. Perhaps a good thing.

The Davy Jones creature is very cool as are his salty dog crew and SpongeBob should be very afraid of THIS Flying Dutchman. LOL

The only problem with going to a "family" movie is the freakin', hillbilly kids kicking the back of your seat...*sigh*....IDIOTS!!!

Like Seagulls on a lone French Fry

I've been talking to someone lately and she is lamenting the fact that it seems like guys only go for the thin, bubbly hot chick with the tight clothes and vapid personality. You know the ones. The girls that giggle at everything the frat boys say, pretend to be drunker than they are, love the fact that guys hit on them, and get moody when guys don't hit on them.

I certainly know the type.

In fact I saw this entire phenomenon in action at a pool party Saturday night. It wasn't a big party, just some close friend with whom we play baseball or volleyball. The host has just purchased this place with pool (duh), pool table, shuffleboard, big screen tv's etc,etc. A real, honest to goodness bachelor pad.

Anyway, like I said, small group, mostly married people and ...ONE single girl!!!


So as the title suggests, it was like watching seagulls all trying to get at that one French fry you throw a them on the beach. Remember "Finding Nemo"? "Mine! Mine! Mine! Got the picture?? LOL

And it is in this scene that I noticed both sides of this story...The lone girl (shapely, tight clothes, flirty), obviously enjoying the attention from all these guys...AND the ape-like, chestpounding guys who like this behaviour.


Is it alcohol that fuels the behaviour? Natural selection? Was she giving off pheremones?

All I can say is that I had a riot watching the guys. The girl? Yeah, she's pretty bosomy (ha, bosom) and friendly and flirty...But I got to wonder if it was more a lack of choice for these guys that physical good looks.

So in conclusion:

Yes, guys like the Barbie Dolls. Does it always make a relationship? I'm not sure. Just look at Nick and Jessica. She Dumb but Hot...He slightly Less Dumb but not too dumb to know you can have a relationship with a plastic ideal.

All we can do is sit back and laugh at the seagulls...Idiots!!!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

A Canada Day Memory

So being the Idiot that I am, I drank too much tequila on Canada Day. Therefore some of the following events come back to me only in a sort of blurred haze...

I am walking down the street, on my way to get greasy pizza and a girl runs into me.


Just like a bird into a pane of if i wasn't even there. (I'm 6'2" so I guess I am pretty hard to miss)

Anyway she bounces off me and Poof!!!

Off comes her sun dress. As if by some magical release string, top comes down...boobie comes out.

I think I even turned to her and said "wow, nice boobie" although i can neither confirm nor deny this. Friends in tow are also unable to recall.

I wish I could recall....

...damn IDIOTIC Tequila.