Monday, August 28, 2006

Are you Sh**ing me???

There HAS got to be a better excuse to tell your mom.

CHICAGO, Illinois -- A Chicago man told airport security he had a bomb in his luggage -- because he didn't want his mother to know it was a penis pump.

A 29-year-old man was questioned after security at the city's O'Hare Airport discovered a suspicious-looking object in his bag.

The man, who was set to fly to Turkey, told security the object was a bomb, according to news reports. In fact, he was trying to disguise the fact that the black object was a component for a penis pump.

He eventually told investigators he'd lied because his mother was standing nearby and he didn't want her to know about it.

He now faces up to three years in prison if convicted, said a spokesman with the Cook County state attorney's office.

So he'd rather face federal terrorist charges than let his mom know he's an idiot who uses a pump??

Wait!! WTF??

Who in their right mind TRAVELS with a penis pump. A penis pump ON A PLANE?? Idiot doesn't know that they check baggage.
I'm not sure but do you need it for daily exercise/pumpings? Like, if you don't use it every single day, then you have to start at stage one all over again??

Ok, let's see...what could he have said instead???
*It's a new type of Juicer? (for carrots, cucumbers and bananas)
*It's a sleep apnea breathing device (he might have to demonstrate though)
*A Bong?? (Would his mom accept a bong over a Penis pump?? My Mom would)
*Espresso maker??? (a rich, bold tasting coffee)

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I've got just the person you need to meet!

WTF? I can't believe I found these two stories on the same day. Someone, quick, tell that guy in India to hold off on the amputation. He's has GOT to meet this lady.


What It Feels Like... To Have Two Vaginas

By Anonymous, 41, record-company executive

As told to Chris Nuttall-Smith

I didn't know anything was different about me until I was fifteen. I was having all sorts of pain—woman stuff—but I'd get it checked out, and they wouldn't find anything wrong. I guess the eighth doctor was more thorough. I remember I was lying there, and I heard her say, "Oops."
What I've got is a rare condition called didelphic uterus—two vaginas, two cervices, and two uteruses. I look completely normal from the outside, but there's a septum inside where everything branches into two. My doctor says I'm one in a million.

For a while I thought I was a total freak. I lost my virginity twice. The first time was when I was eighteen. Then I lost the other side two weeks later. To the same guy. You'd think I could have saved one of them for marriage.

When I was dating, I'd just say, "So I have a little something to tell you." I never got any other reaction except, "Oh, my God, that's so cool," because they'd want to have sex in both sides and see what it felt like. Apparently, the right side is, well, more normal. The left side is a lot smaller. But they're both tight. That's a plus. I've got two G-spots, too, so I've always appreciated men who were extra dexterous with their fingers. I get to have two orgasms at the same time.

I have to wear two tampons when I get my period. It was harder to get pregnant, too, because it's hard to know which side the egg is on. That, and I had to have a C-section when I had my first child recently. Every time I go in for a Pap smear, the doctor's like, "Do you mind if I call in a few people, 'cause you know we've all heard of this but we've never seen it." You get used to all the questions, and I'm not really shy about it. Every once in a while I'll tell a guy and he'll say, "No way! I have two penises!" That would be fantastic.

I gotta go home and take a nap.

Is 2 better than 1?

Hey ladies! If I told you I had two fully functioning penises, would that be something you'd be interested in?

*crickets chirping*

I thought so. I guess that's why this poor schmo is getting one of his chopped off.

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian businessman born with two penises wants one of them removed surgically as he wants to marry and lead a normal sexual life, a newspaper report said Saturday.

The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said.

"Two fully functional penes is unheard of even in medical literature. In the more common form of diphallus, one organ is rudimentary," the newspaper quoted a surgeon as saying.

The surgery was expected to be challenging as both organs were well-formed and full blood supply to the retained penis had to be ensured to allow it to function normally, he added.

The newspaper did not disclose the identity of the man or the hospital to protect the patient's privacy.

There are about 100 such reported cases of diphallus around the world and it is known to occur among one in 5.5 million men, the newspaper said.

But wait!! Maybe he should think about this. He's poised to create a whole new sex fetish and if he goes through with the choppy choppy he's going to lose millions in Internet revenue.

Heck...he's Indian. He could come up with at least....13 new pages for the Kama Sutra as well.

Monday, August 21, 2006

White Bengal Tigers

I have always loved tigers but these are some crazy pictures.

First you think this guy is beautiful and graceful swimming at this zoo....

...then *BOOM*!!!

That is one pissed off tiger!!!

Imagine that poor little girl in the first picture...crapping her Baby Gap jeans. LOL

Just think for a moment...

This...this person... considered talented and famous and makes more money than any of us could ever dream of.

Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

This Once Again Proves My Theory...

German women love David Hasselhoff!

No, no, no...that that again.

My theory that "German women love flinging poo".

Strangely enough I couldn't find a photo of German Women flinging Poo. "Clean" photos that is. There were, however, plenty...PLENTY of strange German sex sites willing to oblige my search parameters. I'll just leave it at that.

lesson: Careful what you search for.

BERLIN (Reuters) - Thieves in Germany stole 7,500 euros ($9,554) from a man by throwing feces at him from behind and then pick-pocketing him while they pretended to help clean up the mess, authorities said Monday.

After withdrawing 8,000 euros from a bank for a holiday the man was struck in the back of the neck by what he described as human feces, police in the central town of Giessen said.

"Immediately afterwards two large women came up to him from behind and claimed they had seen someone excreting down onto the street from above," police said in a statement.

The two women then began briskly wiping the filth from the man's clothing with paper towels they had with them. They were soon joined by a third man, who also came bearing paper towels.

Only when the man went to take his foul-smelling trousers to cleaners did he notice that 7,500 euros had been taken from his back pocket by one of the would-be helpers, police said.

I can't believe these bold women criminals. A while ago I posted about the Swedish Sauna theives and now this. I gotta give props to all the ladies out there. You're nothing if not original.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Old Advertising is Funny

This is from a web site I found while being bored at work.

Shaving Baby!!! LOL What a gimmick. It sucks to think that even after all these years I'm STILL stropping and honing.

They also seemed to be pretty informative:

translation: Keep your bayonnet in your rucksack, soldier!!

Stick to these good wholesome girls instead...cuz...well, the ad says it all.

Check out the rest with a swift click in the mouse. I think "Vibra-Finger" is a my favourite. Get Two and Save a dollar! HA!

Monday, August 14, 2006

Earth Shattering "O"

Well...building shattering anyway. The Bloke has got some major thrusting power huh?

Woman Falls Through Floor While Having Sex

TALINN, Estonia -- A woman who fell through the floor of an old house in the Estonian capital Tallinn while having sex had to be pulled out of the basement by rescuers using a fire-fighter's ladder, officials said on Tuesday.

"A couple from the street entered the courtyard of an old house under renovation, and the woman fell through the floor while apparently having sex," said a rescue department spokesperson.

"Rescuers had to use a fire fighting ladder to rescue the 22-year-old woman from the basement, which was 2.5 meters (about 8 feet) deep," he said.

The incident happened in Tallinn's mediaeval Old Town.

"The woman, who was conscious and breathing after the accident, was taken to hospital for treatment," the spokesman told reporters.

I am sure glad she was conscious AND breathing. The worst thing I ever did was get a leg cramp once and fell off the bed.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

I heart Evangeline Lily

Ever since Lost debuted I have been a huge fan of Evangeline. Cute and Canadian...whatelse is there to say.

This statement she made not only echoes my sentiments of the Paris Hiltons and Nicole Ritchies of the world, but also makes me love her even more.

(KP International) Lost's Evangeline Lilly has recently reprimanded the lazy and selfish socialites of the world too concerned about themselves to give to others in need.

"I need to help people or I'd be no better than the Paris Hiltons of the world, waltzing around with their Louis Vuitton bags and their little dogs," said the 27-year-old Alberta native. "Those people couldn't give a rat's a*s if somebody was starving in the street next to them."

In contrast, Lilly has praised those in Hollywood who are trying to make a difference. "Hollywood is the Sodom and Gomorrah of today. It's a world I avoid because it's destroying our culture. And yet, I've recently seen a turnaround. People like George Clooney and Michael Moore are using Hollywood as a platform to send out positive messages."

Rather than glaming it up for a gaggle of galas, Lilly prefers the calmer, less flashy life. Lilly said she enjoys resting in Hawaii, where the hit ABC TV series Lost is filmed, or participating in philanthropic activities.

Now if we could only convince her that dating a Hobbit is a bad idea.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Swedish Women Will Get You Every Time

LOL...I like the fact that the Women got the better of these Idiots!!

The moral of this story is "Beware of Swedish Women baring Strawberries with promises of a steam bath"

ÖREBRO, Sweden -- Three naked men walking on a bike path in Örebro, in central Sweden were stopped by police early on Wednesday.

“The young men were completely naked,” said a police spokesman, according to Dagens Nyheter. “The only thing they had with them was a bag with strawberries.”

Police stumbled across the three men during a routine neighborhood inspection.

“They said they had been tricked by a few girls with whom they had gone into the sauna,” he said. “The girls took all of their clothes and disappeared.”

They said they had no other way to get home at 4 a.m. than to stroll home naked. Police took sympathy and offered them a lift home.

HAHA Strawberries in the Sauna...that's the oldest trick in the book. Idiots!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Skinny Dip anyone??

Oh man...I haven't been able to stop laughing since I read this article. But seriously, who HASN'T been in this situation? Huh?...Liars!

It reminds me of that Coors Light commercial where the "doctor" keeps asking the crowd for something cold to help soothe the poor fellow who's fallen.

Can you just see the poor guy calling out for anything cold to shrink his massive gonads?? And then when no one offered up their crystal cold Coors Light to him, they bring out the chain saws, the mere sight of which should have shrank those bad boys right up IMO.

Deckchair trapped testicles

A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had got stuck.

Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia, reports 24sata.

His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down on his wooden deckchair.

But as he lay in the sun they expanded back to normal size and got stuck between the slats.

He was eventually freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deck chair in half.

Hmmm...A nice skinny dip sounds refreshing right about now. Doesn't it??

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

New Paris, Same as the Old Paris

Apparently the "world's top Paris Hilton lookalike" is from Winnipeg, Canada. Who would have thunk it?

And because of this acclaim, which by the way just crept ahead of "being Mel Gibson", Natalie Reid (shown above) is set to show more than her lookalike-abilities in that I mean we'll see her boobies!

That's hot! (I feel so unclean saying that)

Reid, incidently, makes $2000 a pop just being vapid and beautiful. Wow! she really is JUST LIKE Paris!!

Now what I'm curious to see is will the public hate her as much as the "real" Paris? And if not, why? I would guess she would have to be even more hated since she is twice as bad as a "real" Paris.

Stay with me...

She's cashing in by acting like an airhead who is cashing in by being an airhead. Isn't that wierd? Anyone for a smoke and a pancake??

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

When Cool gets a little Hot under the Collar

Barry White: Radio spot

Sometimes even the ultimate in cool can come unravelled. "Oooooh Baby! I love the sexy slither of a lady snake."

Now, I'm definitely NOT saying that the late great Mr. White is an Idiot...more like that guy who wrote that commercial. Geez, doesn't he know Barry White? That copy was anything BUT sexy. I hope he got his ass fired.

All you had to say was...

"Hi, this is Barry White, join me for a sexy weekend of sensuous music and hot tennis action down in Waco Texas. Me and all the fine ladies are gonna get down and get busy...oooh baby, can't get enough of Paul Quinn College Babe!" look who's being an Idiot. LOL I love You Tube.