Only Idiots use a Blog

Multicultural Night

2007-04-25T18:23:00.000-04:00

Here I am ...just finished eating some homemade veggie fajitas and now I'm having some Sammy Hagar Tequila but i can't help but think Japanese cuz my Astro-Sex-Lube is loaded with Wasabi...

Anyway here is something I wish I had thought of...Air Sex. It's not the Mile High club but just as fun (or so it seems)

Japan's air sex world champion licks himself into shape

Japan has recently claimed the world air guitar championship, but Weekly Playboy (10/2) notes that less well known is that Japan already had a world champ in another virtual sport -- air sex!

Just like air guitar it pits competitors prancing around on stage empty handed but acting as though they were playing a hot riff, air sex requires players to simulate sauciness as though with a partner, but actually while alone.

"Air sex was originally invented by guys who couldn't get girlfriends, but desperately want to have sex," J-Taro Sugisaku, the self-professed creator of air sex, tells Weekly Playboy.

Sugimura tells the weekly that air sex began when a mostly male group gathered at a theater in the trendy Tokyo district of Shimo Kitazawa earlier this year. They began talking about sex techniques, then started demonstrating them. Soon, a competition developed to come up with the most outrageous display of faked fornication.

"You must be warned, though... air sex can be very dangerous," Sugisaku says. "Normally what happens with a display is that you perform the same way you normally would when having sex. I've seen guys who put on air sex shows that clearly display they're still virgins. I've also seen other guys perform such incredibly authentic fake fellatio that nobody has been left in any doubt that they could only be bisexual. Let me reiterate: Air sex can be dangerous."

Hahahahaa dangerous???

Rehab??

2007-04-24T21:23:00.000-04:00

Hi dear readers,

Another post?? Wow...only a month after the last one, can you stand it??

As I mentioned in my previous post I took on a new job. Some would say it was a bad move, this new job pays a little less that the last, it has work hours that are erratic and far from the normal 9 to 5 so to some people I made a bad decision. Not that anyone really says this to my face but how many times do I have to hear "so, do you like your new job?" from the same people to know what they are getting at. Do they truly care how I am doing?? I'm not sure.

I am kind of getting sick of it.

I think they are actually looking for some kind of bitter schadenfraude against me. I don't know why they would want to be able to smirk and say "man, you really should have stayed where you were, that was a really dumb decision", but that's what seems to be happening. Is it so they feel better about themselves? Do they have some scorn against me?

Man...

A couple of things:

-I like this new job.
-I enjoy the interaction with customers and employees.
-I am learning new skills
-I actually have a chance of advancement
-there are benefits, pension plans and RRSP plans

But there is one huge change that i did not anticipate and one that i am not sure is real or imagined....

With the Old Job I always had a sore back. It had become an affliction to which i had resigned to have the rest of my life. I was someone "with a back problem". At the old job I was away from work a few days every couple of months because my back "went out" and I couldn't get out of bed or whatever. I had always just chalked it up to working too hard and too stupid. Lifting and pushing things by myself that needed two people was sometimes required to get a job done because boss refused to hire capable help and i paid for it with sharp pains in my lower back.

But now....now i feel great...i work harder at this new job. i'm on my feet for 8 hours at a time and I feel better than i did when i sat on my ass for 8 hours in front a computer. Sure there were those times when I was doing strenuous physical labour but they were sometimes weeks apart and only for a few hours at a time.

I haven't said anything to anyone for a month...the length of current employment...just to make sure it wasn't a fluke. I talked to my doctor as well as some other physio people and they seem to agree that my back problems were probably due to stress.

Stress??

Me???

Honestly I ever felt stress in THAT job....not until the final few months...but now that i look back, an ineffective boss who refuses to communicate, makes idiotic decisions that would potentially cause unnecessary problems for workers sure can build a harmful burden of stress.

I think i now why people want to see my miserable...they are miserable themselves because they don't have the guts to leave their terrible jobs and they are jealous that i DO have the guts. i am proud of myself that i could see past the paycheck, i am proud of the fact that i am pretty adaptable, allowing me to successfully find work in different fields and excel.

Some would say that I have no purpose and no direction. Personally i like the fact that i am not chained to one single line of work. It's that old joke with me, I still don't know what i want to do when I grow up.

Sorry to vent..more fun stuff will come in the future

Lots going on...whew!

2007-03-09T00:08:00.000-05:00

Yeah yeah...once again I have neglected my Blog. I suck!

But alot has happened in the past few weeks:

1. I resigned from my job
2.I had my 35th birthday
3. I bought a MAC!!!!!!

About the job - um, yeah, lots of people are saying "what? are you crazy, don't you know there's no jobs out there? It's dog eat dog."

Well I had had enough with a terrible boss and just felt that i couldn't make him anymore money. It was simple, it was easy and it felt good to hand a neatly worded resignation letter and watch him flip and flop like a boated fish. "but, but...you can't leave...oh well I have someone to replace you anyway" ...jerk

Also I got a better job right away with very little effort. A job that was actually created especially for me and one where they seem to genuinely want me there.

Anyway it's all good...no more short notice work travel, no more short notice working til 3am and then getting up at 7 for another 8 hour shift. No more being taken for granted.

The stress is lifted and I feel good. Monday I start a new job.

Birthday stuff? not much happens when you turn 35 except that you get older. Pamer's Wife and I met up with some friends for sushi and beer and good conversation. It was fun. Pamer's wife is also taking me to see the movie '300' on Friday so I am as giddy as a school boy.

Now the MAC...it wasn't such a hard decision. I needed a new laptop and was pretty much set on a PC. Then all this stuff comes out about how much trouble people are having with the new Vista operating system.

So, since I used MACs at work I went out and picked out a nice black one, they delivere din two days and all is well. It's cool...oh and if anyone has some cool Mac programs, let me know.

That's it for now. John Stewart is on now...apparently we change our clocks back this weekend?!? 3 weeks earlier than normal. Make sure your computer clocks are changed or else it will be "Total A-clock-alypse!!!!"

be cool y'all

Back...from Frozen Florida

2007-02-20T08:51:00.000-05:00

Yep, Pamer's Wife and I are back from our holiday in the sun and let's just say it was an adventure.

Oh yeah...no tans over here.

We did have some "Thank Gods" though:

-Thank God mama thought to reserve three rental cars so that we could all do our own thing.
-Thank God mama rented us this giant house so that we all had our own wing complete with bathroom and cable TV.
-and Thank God it wasn't hot or sunny, cuz God knows Pamer don't need no time int he sun. He don't need to relax and gets some rays by the pool with a cocktail and a copy of Marvel Civil War...noooooo.

Disney was fun (as always) even though I got rained on for the first time in 8 outings. Magic Kingdom actually shut down some rides for fear of lightning...oh well.

We got to do some new stuff like ride the Aerosmith roller coaster (twice) at MGM studios, ride the Test Track ride at Epcot (twice), ride the Everest roller coaster at Animal Kingdom (only once) and eat a giant smoked turkey leg at Magic Kingdom (only once ) and grossing out vegetarian Pamer's Wife while eating said giant smoked turkey leg ...Hahahaha.

Oh...and even though it was pretty cold some days, i vowed to wear my shorts everyday. Dammit, I was on vacation, I'm gonna wear my shorts. You could easily pick out the like-minded hearty Canadians in the crowds. Pamer's Wife just laughed as she put on layer after layer of warm clothes...chicken!

You guys ever hear of planes having to de-ice their wings before takeoff?? Sure you have. Ever hear of them having to do it in Orlando? HA!!! Well, it was pretty frigid whenwe boarded the plane for home and the Captain informs us that there is frost ont he wing and the authorities won't let us off the ground until its gone. Since Orlando International Airport doesn't have de-icing equipment we get to move the plane into the sunshine until it melts the frost...for an hour...remember its about 48 degrees F.

It's all pretty comical when you think about it and since we've had pretty good luck over the years with vacations. I guess we were due for a less than great time.

Vacation State Of Mind

2007-02-08T11:40:00.000-05:00

4:30am

Yep that's the time we need to leave for the airport tomorrow morning to go to Florida. Damn, why so early?

The only thing that makes it ok leaving at such a god-forsaken time is that it's supposed to be -25 and snowy....and +25 in Orlando. Quite a swing in temps!!!

Ok, like I mentioned before this is a family trip...with my IN-LAWS. First time ever!! We've been married for nie on to 10 years and this part of the fam-damly has never traveled together (with me).

I am both excited and Frightened.

Excited to get out of work for a week and (hopefully) enjoy some Florida sun. Excited to go back to Disney World after 7 years and see what's new and improved. Excited to get out of work...oh yeah I said that already (did I mention that work sucks?).

Frightened because of traveling with Mom-in-law and two hyper toddlers (not mine).

Here's the itinerary as I see it unfolding:

-land in Orlando, Mom-in-law, Sis-in-Law and Wife immediately ask "where is the closest mall?"
-Guys dutifully cart women folk to mall...
-Disney (day 1)
-Disney (day 2)
-Disney (day 3)
-Disney (day4)

-now that Disney is over "what do we do now?"
-Pamer and Pamer's Wife make a bee-line to the beach

It should be fun though...i mean it's like they always say: A bad day on holidays is better than your best day at work.

Thanks to everyone who gave suggestions...frankly i would be just as happy lying on the beach and playing beach volleyball.

I will hopefully have a few pictures to post when I get back...especially the ones of me wearing my banana hammock.

Stump the Blogger

2007-02-06T21:36:00.000-05:00

So, i recieved a request today. One from someone whom i cannot and will not ignore. My pal TInk from Pickled Beef sent out an earnest plea "Please don't make me stare at Queen Latifah's face anymore!"

First off, Tink, i'm not sure why you're staring at her, secondly, she's gorgeous which means it should be a pleasure to stare at her and thirdly I am terribly sorry you've had to stare at her for a month.

Speaking of Tink, she had a great idea last month. She asked for readers to give her ideas on what to blog about. So...I am going to steal that idea and put out the same question to my readers.

Tell me what i should tell you. What do you need to know?

I'm at a loss which has resulted in the month long sloth.

That being said I will probably have lots to talk about after next week. I am going to Orlando next week for a family vacation.

-Disney World...my personal fav (seriously I am a Disney geek)
-Maybe Universal (i've never been)
-Seaworld (see Universal)

It'll be interesting. I've havn't been on a "family vacation" in 15 years.

But looking at the weather channel it doesn't seem that FLA weather is all that good lately....tornados aside, it seems to be colder that normal.

However I have two thoughts on this:
1. when our weather has been in the -30's for the last week anything over freezing is a pleasure
2. any day away from work is a great day

Once again gang, sorry for the lack of anything interesting to say. See you later.

Queen Latifah vs Marsha Warfield

2007-01-08T13:53:00.000-05:00

Ahoy you lot.

Lemme get right to the point. I've been sick...Norwalk, Novo Virus whatever it was, it was bad. It's funny though, everytime someone asks me about it, the first question is always "Did you get your flu shot?"

I have two retorts to this, depending on the inquistor.

1. Well duh...If i DID get a flu shot, would I be sick? (This is predicated on the assumption that this person believes wholeheartedly in the "flu Shot" and it's wonder-drug reputation)

2. I don't believe that the flu shot is a wonder-drug therefore I never do get injected. Personally I think it's all just sugar water blended with microscopic government Nanite Robots used for manipulating or buying habits...internally...

Anyway, while I was sick I got to watch a lot of TV/Movies etc and happened to catch a bit of Caddyshack II starring the wonderfully talented Marsha Warfield and the not-so-talented Jackie Mason. Well, the plot is bad and the acting along with it, the story doesn't matter but what does is that something hit me while watching Marsha...

She always plays a strong character, forceful and witty with a fair amount of chutzpah. Am I wrong?

It dawned on me that Queen Latifah has stolen all the roles that would normally be reserved for a woman of Marsha's prowess.

So I have a new theory. Queen Latifah is the new Marsha Warfield and if they ever get around to making that long anticiapted "Night Court" movie, the Queen will play Roz (with Vin Diesel as Bull Shannon, of course)

These are the things that occupy my thoughts on Jan 8th

New Year? Happy?

2007-01-02T10:41:00.000-05:00

The New year rang in on sunday night and somehow my head came between the mallet and the bell.

It all started out peacfully enough, getting together with friends for sushi, lobster and many drinks.

Somewhere along the way we emptied more that a few bottles of red wine, some white wine, beers, rum and of course Goldslager at midnight.

I don't remember much after 1 o'clock, I might have gotten naked with the ladies or I may not have. I verdict is still out. I do know I sent out more than one garbled email to friends telling them how drunk I was...

So, this leads into an absolutley excellent Monday holiday, one in which i didn't leave the house and didn't leave my PJ's. So great to have one of those days every so often. I even got caught up watching Hogan Knows Best. They had a marathon on tv. Pamer's Wife hates it...so what, I was in the bedroom cuddled up with the dogs, who needs her?

Actually at the end of the night I told her "Thank you for letting me be a slob today".

On to resolutions...

MJ the ever-loving Infomaniac said it best the other day, it was something to the effect of "screw resolutions, Embrace your Vices". I really love that mantra and I think i'll do just that this year.

Everyone seems to try to make a resolution and how many actually succeed in keeping them? I'm going to go out on a limb and say the failure rate is 92%. I like 92.

So... instead of failure, we should all just plan to succeed by maybe drinking more (think of the poor wine makers who need your $12.65) or gamble more (in Canada, gambling proceeds got to charities and better infrastructure...LOL). It's win/win all around people.

Wouldn't it be nicer in December 2007 to say you set a goal in January and met it?

Now, I don't mean go out and bet the family farm on 21 black at the roulette table. Just maybe buy and extra raffle ticket from the church down the street or enter that Cancer Society sweepstakes. It's all for a good cause right?

And Drinking? Don't start bringing your pillow to the gutter everynight, have an extra beer with your old granddad or Aunt Bethany. They'll surely appreciate the time you spent with them.

See how nice things could be.

Hookers, drugs and porn....well....those are up to you to try and justify. I'm not EVEN going to touch them.

The Morales to this story:
-watch Hogan Knows Best (there are morales in the show)
-drink more to save the world
-gambling is ok

It's all over...

2006-12-27T12:29:00.000-05:00

Another Christmas is over and it looks like we all survived unscathed...well, except for The Godfather of Soul, George and Weezy's baby boy and President Gerald Ford.

Although there was not even a hint of snow here in the great white north, xmas spirit ran amok at the in-laws and friends. Much food was eaten, many, many, many sweets were looked upon, drooled over, then left for someone else to enjoy...and of course more than a few beers, bloody Ceasars, martinis, Moose Milk, Marguerittas, Pina Coladas, Rum/pineapple cocktails, tequila shots etc were inbibed.

Pamer's Wife and I spent Xmas eve drinking marguerittas and eating burittos and nachos while watching "Tokyo Drift" and "Lucky Number Slevin". So much for the traditional holiday movies, but to be fair I'd already watched "Scrooge" with Alastair Sim, "Christmas Vacation" and "A Christmas Story" in the days prior.

Last year it was Indian food and The Lord of the Rings triology so I guess we are starting a tradition of eating different foods and curling up to some movies. I think next year we'll try Sushi and Die Hard or something.

Pamer's Wife made a simply excellent gormet meal for Christmas Day with the parents. Atlantic Halibut with spinach, served with a creamy Shrimp Risotto and squash and rutabaga. She also made a cream puff bread with leak and asiago cheese...i couldn't eat enough of it...crispy on th outside and fluffy in the middle. So Good!!

Presents were within reason this year too (even though I protest each year that we don't need anything). I got my socks and underpants, chockies and DVD's (South Park Season 8 and Venture Brothers Season 1).

In-Laws also did something unexpected. They sprang for a Disney Holiday for the entire family in Feburary. They keep saying that we don't get together enough so this should solve it for a while at least, and really, who can say no to Mickey and Donald?

Well that's it i guess...I see this morning that we finally got some snow, only a little. The dogs will love that...you've never seen dogs act like complete kids until you see mine whinng to go out and then roll around and slide in the snow...comical.

I look forward to seeing you all in the new year. Thanks for reading and commenting

Xmas Party

2006-12-17T21:12:00.000-05:00

Umm...yeah...

I have a couple of things on my mind today.

I've never said this before, but I really don't like christmas time. i don't like the commercialism, i don't like the pressure of feeling that i MUST buy presents for every person i've ever known, every kid of a person that i've ever known.

So i deceided a few years ago that I would stop.

Stop buying for no reason, stop torturing myself, stop stressing over the perfect gift and just try to enjoy the season.

People call me a scrooge.

The thing is, I love this time of year. I really enjoy getting together with family and friends and just having food and drinks and conversation and fellowship. It's wonderful, oftentimes I get to see people that i've haven't seen for the entire year.

I also really love the winters that we have here in Northern Canada...my dogs and I really get a lot of exercise trudging through the winter wonderland but, yeah that's not really about christmas, we get snow 9 months a year LOL.

So am I really a scrooge because I choose to relax and avoid the stress of Mall Mania? To enjoy the season quietly?

Don't get me wrong, I still buy things for Pamer's Wife. That is soemthing that I DO enjoy but wouldn't it be nice if we could all do the same? I have lost count of the amount of people who tell me they are sick of the crowds in the stores, the huge bills, the travelling. Most tell me they can't wait for it all to be over.

Anyway, i know many of you readers will think I am nuts, that I'm a crabby old Grinch. Oh well, I can understand.

The other thing that was on my mind was our annual xmas office party.
I think the boss means well but it always bugs me. Traditionally we all get together at a local steakhouse for a dinner and festive drink. Everyone gets dressed in their finest xmas clothing and we generally have a nice time...hey it's a free meal and free drinks I really can't complain.

But...

It's a dinner...

We sit a long dinner table so that it's impossible to socialize. You speak to the four or five people in your general vicinity and that's it. Kinda sucks.

Present...

The boss usually likes to pass out presents... this is the part that always annoys me. The boss treats employees and spouses the same. This means that if someone brings a date to the dinner, then they receive the same gift as a longtime employee. To me that means that I am no better than someone that has given nothing to the business. So all the hard work over the year means nothing at the end. Am I crazy?

It happens every year...last year I was given a 1/2 hour massage even though it is a well known fact that I hate massages, so, really I recieved nothing...

...just give us the money noramlly spent on this evening and we done with it.

Phew...

Sorry for the rant.

More fun stuff in the new year and hopefully I will be conrtributing as a writer to a few other blogs. Watch For It!!

Seriously though, I want to wish everyone a great holiday. I hope you enjoy it and are able to spend the days with loved ones.

I want a new Job!

2006-12-14T14:47:00.000-05:00

This is another reason I love Kiwis.

WELLINGTON (AFP) - New Zealanders looking for some extra curricular activity are now able to apply for the position of condom tester.

Condom manufacturer Durex is looking for test pilots of its products, and says New Zealanders were chosen because they are among the most sexually active and adventurous in the world.

"Kiwis have proven they're a sexually energetic bunch, and therefore it makes sense that a select few will have the chance to try our latest condom innovation, all in the name of research," said Durex New Zealand manager Victoria Potter.

"Durex wants to ensure that its condoms are best meeting the needs of New Zealanders, from delivering on sexual pleasure, to keeping them safe."

Potential applicants are invited to log on to www.explorersclub.co.nz and provide details as to why they believe they are up to the job.

Wife: How was your day at work today dear?
Husband: It had its ups and downs.

Santa and His 8 Tiny Sausage Stuffers

2006-12-13T15:12:00.000-05:00

My sausage has a first name, it's C.U.P.I.D...come on everyone sing along...My sausage has another name, it's C.O.M.E.T.

Don't get me wrong I enjoy wild meat from time to time. I've had Moose, deer and Elk as well as Musk Oxen and Caribou. I just don't especially want Reindeer at Xmas time....that makes me cry!

*****

Reindeer Hot Dogs Served For Holiday Season
Glenview Hot Dog Stand Serves Alaskan-Made Sausages

(CBS) GLENVIEW, Ill. Instead of flying in the air, this year a holiday favorite is flying off the grill. CBS 2's Vince Gerasole reports reindeer hot dogs are red hot.You know red hots and bratwurst sausage with mustard, but do you recall an exotic hotdog for all? They're lining up at "fRedhots and Fries" in Glenview for festive holiday -- say it isn't so -- reindeer hotdogs. It's kind of like venison but less gamey," said Nicholas Koshiw of Wicker Park. It's not all Rudolph on a bun, there's a little beef and pork mixed in too. "It's got a strong flavor but not overpowering," said Chicago resident Gary Wiviott. Don't call owner Fred Markoff a Grinch. He got the idea to import the hot dogs from Alaska after a ski trip there. "I was watching the dogs run the Iditarod and there was this cart selling hot dogs," Markoff said. "They were reindeer hot dogs. That's even better," he said.

"I pretended this one was Prancer," Koshiw said. "We didn't eat Rudolph today. We ate some un-faced, un-named reindeer, so I am ok with that," said Lynette Engdhal of the West Loop. "fRedhots" ordered about 200 reindeer hot dogs from Alaska. Selling for $8 a piece, Markoff is afraid he'll run out, so he's about to place his second order.

*****

Personally I can't wait until Easter when they mix up the Bunny Stew or deep fried rabbit feet....Yumm!

Vindication!!!

2006-12-11T18:45:00.000-05:00

Pamer's Wife got mad at me when i decided to boycott all that is Tom Cruise. This was almost 2 years ago, even before his couch jumping, Scientology spewing and general idiocy.

Stealing Katie from us to try and prove that he isn't gay...so not cool!

Anyway, Pamer's Wife has since come to my side but this article just proves once again that I rule!

Cruise crushed in popularity poll.
Absence makes the moviegoer's heart grow fonder

Couch-jumping and three-minute kisses are kind of a turn off, according to the American public.

In a USA Today/Gallup poll, Tom Cruise has been voted as the most unpopular movie star, with a significant 34 percent of the 1,003 adult voters admitting that they go out of their way to avoid the "Mission: Impossible 3" star at the theater.

The star's appeal started to wane in 2005, after his much-publicized romance with Katie Holmes and his criticism of Brooke Shields. Since then, the publicity hasn't stopped, and the American people feel that they know way too much about his baby, Suri Cruise, and his lavish Italian wedding. When "M:I3" opened in May, it took in about $12 million less than expected, despite its signifcantly wider release in 4,000-plus theaters.

The poll also shows that other overexposed celebrities such as Angelina Jolie and Mel Gibson have had a similar effect on moviegoers' habits, with 18 percent and 12 percent avoiding their cinematic offerings respectively.

Actually, despite Gibson's anti-Semitic comments during his DUI arrest, fans haven't turned their back on him completely. He still ranked as the fifth-highest actor that people will go out of their way to see if he's involved with a film. "The Passion of the Christ" had won him a loyal following despite its own controversy, and his latest offering, the Mayan epic "Apocalypto," opened this past weekend at No. 1.

Tom Hanks tops the list with 44 percent of the voters going out of their way to see his films. The Oscar winner helped "The Da Vinci Code" take in nearly $750 million worldwide for his role as the long-haired symbologist Robert Langdon on the search for the Holy Grail.

Following Hanks is "Departed" actor Robert DeNiro (33 percent); "Charlotte's Web" voice Julia Roberts (29 percent); "Pursuit of Happyness" star Will Smith and "The Lake House" sweetheart Sandra Bullock, both tying with 27 percent of the votes.

Isn't it weird that there are now polls to see the most unpopular stars?? Shouldn't Corey Haim top the list?

Good God Almighty

2006-12-11T17:55:00.000-05:00

It's been 2 months since I updated this blog. I know, I know, it's totally unprofessional, selfish and very unacceptable.

I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry! I'm also aware that most of my friends are gone, tired of checking to see if I'm still around and fed up with seeing that Gary Neville post.

Let's recap...

It's always particularly busy at work during the fall and since that last post I have been everywhere man.

It started in Ottawa for 4 days wherein this poor slob ends up with back spasms and in traction in bed for a week.

Next were trips to Niagara Falls, Toronto and Thunder Bay...BORING!

A wild and flamboyant trip to Vancouver BC was promised and of course turned out to be a disaster. Floods, violent winds, brown water in our hotel room and a bout of the norwalk virus made it the worst trip ever...all the while i was expected to maintain my usual productivity for work. I had also wanted to meet an online pal but was forced to chose sleep and the cool comfort of the toilet bowl instead of a nice visit. Sorry MJ.

The latest road trip saw me head to Sault Ste Marie to do some work for the Motely Crue concert in that town. Nothing too special but i did get to set up each of the guy's dressing rooms(and clean up the mess afterward).

I also bumped into Tommy Lee in our hotel lobby (I gave him the 'guy nod', he reciprocated), went up in the elevator with his luggage and ran afoul of Mick Mars' bodyguard when I yelled at him to "have a great show!" For the record Mick walks like he's 96 years old and I had to set up a special barrier for him just offstage for when he got tired.

Finally, we set up a 300,000 dollar xmas party for the employees of a steel company, also in Sault Ste Marie. It included a special appearance by Trooper, seven course meal, champagne and three full days of work.

Phew!

I know I'm whinging a bit...but i'm old and I need someone to sympathize.

Before I go a special thanks to Tink for the Spork award. Now i have lots to live up to.

Ok, that's it...look for more posts soon.

2006-10-12T11:51:00.000-04:00

Gary Neville's Own Goal vs Croatia

Oh the horror...the horror!!!!

I am so pissed off!!

2006-10-11T20:49:00.000-04:00

Like the title says, I am a little pissed off....at my family, so called friends, co-workers...everyone.

I watched "Scrubs" for the first time today. For some reason I've never tuned in for whatever reason. Sure, i've noticed it's won a few Emmy's or Golden Globes but nothing really enticed me to sit down and take it all in.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??

The episode I happened to see this afternoon was hilarious!! I was literally belly laughing at the gags and jokes.

So I guess the reason I am so mad is:

(1) there was never that person saying "Dude you gotta see this show, man. It's so damn funny"

No one!

(2) the show has been on for, what, 4 years? Four Years! I 've missed four years of Zack Braff and what's his name and what's her name...I don't even know who is a regular and who was a guest star.

(3) Now I have to go out and buy all the seasons on DVD which will probably cost me $200. I say some one owes me BIGTIME!!!

So in order to see that this type of thing doesn't happen to any of my pals I am going to recommend the next big TV hit...in my opinion at least.

Watch "30 Rock" with Tina Fey...it funny cool and it has Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey.

There, my conscious is clear!

...and I'm a little less PO'd now.

NEW Tylenol Red Bull

2006-10-11T09:48:00.000-04:00

Background: I have been suffering from Back Spasms for the past few weeks. Honestly it's like being crippled...bend over...can't get back up. Twist the wrong way...good luck trying to get back to the couch. It really sucks. Anyway i have been to the doctor who prescribed a dose of Muscle relaxers and Anti inflammatory drugs which, although they help, knock me the hell out!!! Literally.

So last night i purchased some Tylenol Ultra with the hopes of having some of the pain relief without the massive drowsiness (I am back to work BTW).

Results: This morning I took two...the recommended dosage is 1-2 tablets every 4 hours as needed. Now, 1 hour later, i feel like I've drank 4 cans of Red Bull plus two Tim Horton Double Doubles. My heart rate resembles a hopped up hummingbird and my hands are shaking even as I type.

Back Pain has subsided somewhat therefore I give the pain relief a C grade but the caffeine high an A++

I wonder if the Rave set has discovered these??

WANTED: Fugitive Boobs

2006-10-10T20:49:00.000-04:00

BERLIN, Germany --
A German plastic surgeon who was cheated out of payment by several women has given pictures of their enlarged breasts to police, in the hope the photos will help trace them.

"The women registered under fake names," Michael Koenig, a surgeon in Cologne, told Bild newspaper. "After the operations, which lasted about an hour, they just ran away."

"Tanja" went out for "fresh air" after an 8,000-euro (about $8,500) surgery to enlarge her breasts. "She never came back and never paid," said Koenig. He now plans to demand payment in advance.

Bild published a five-column picture of Tanja's naked breasts. "It's probably the most unusual wanted poster police ever had," the newspaper wrote.

LOL Do they put these types of wanted posters up in the post offices in Germany??

Shocking!!! I thought we were growing out of this TV "fad".

2006-10-10T15:43:00.000-04:00

NEW YORK (AP) -- The average American home now has more television sets than people.

That threshold was crossed within the past two years, according to Nielsen Media Research. There are 2.73 TV sets in the typical home and 2.55 people, the researchers said.

With televisions now on buses, elevators and in airport lobbies, that development may have as much to do with TV's ubiquity as an appliance as it does conspicuous consumption. The popularity of flat-screen TVs now make it easy to put sets where they haven't been before.

Rick Melen, a facilities manager, has three sets in the Somers, New York, home he shares with his wife. That doesn't count the bathroom set that broke down and hasn't been replaced or the speakers installed near their hot tub, allowing them to watch a wide screen set through a window.

Half of American homes have three or more TVs, and only 19 percent have just one, Nielsen said. In 1975, 57 percent of homes had only a single set and 11 percent had three or more, the company said.

In the average home, a television set is turned on for more than a third of the day -- eight hours, 14 minutes, Nielsen said. That's an hour more than it was a decade ago. Most of that extra TV viewing is coming outside of prime time, where TVs are on only four minutes more than they were 10 years ago.

The average person watches four hours, 35 minutes of television each day, Nielsen said.

Ok, let's see...one for the living room, one for the rec room, one in the bedroom, one in the bathroom (just kidding) and one in the kitchen...yep we have two more TV's than people. But if you could two humans and two canines we are just perfect.

Way to go Trailer Park Boys

2006-10-10T15:35:00.000-04:00

Trailer Park Boys: The Movie is the number one comedy in Canada!

TORONTO, Oct. 9 - Canadian audiences have made Trailer Park Boys: The Movie the number one comedy in the country.

The movie grossed an estimated $1.3 million at the box office in its opening weekend becoming the 11th top grossing film in North America.

Playing on over 200 screens, Trailer Park Boys: The Movie had a per-screen average of $6,632 over the three-day weekend.

The film finds Ricky, Julian and Bubbles hatching a plan for The Big Dirty - the largest heist of their criminal history.

Trailer Park Boys: The Movie is directed by Mike Clattenburg, produced by Barrie Dunn and Mike Volpe and executive produced by Ivan Reitman.

The film is distributed in Canada by Alliance Atlantis(*) Motion Picture Distribution LP.

Trailer Park Boys: The Movie is currently in wide release across Canada.

2006-10-05T02:49:00.000-04:00

28 Day Slater - Episode 1

This little movie is pretty darned funny.
If you get a chance go to You Tube abnd watch all 5 episodes.

2006-10-05T02:47:00.001-04:00

Canadian Idiot

Oh Weird Al - I think you just gave me a theme song for this blog! EH?

SpaceBalls

2006-09-24T22:53:00.000-04:00

It looks like Mel Brooks is going to try and squeeze a bit more money out of one of my favourite movies. I hope its good.

This is not it...just a clip to make you laugh.

THIS is the news...

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Mel Brooks, whose comedy hits include "The Producers" and "Blazing Saddles," is bringing his sci-fi spoof "Spaceballs" to television in cartoon form.

"Spaceballs: The Animated Series" will air on the G4 television network beginning next fall.

The 1987 film, which starred Brooks, Rick Moranis and John Candy, parodied "Star Wars" and other sci-fi movies. The new animated version will poke fun at blockbuster movies, reality TV, politics and pop culture.

Brooks, 80, will write the pilot episode and voice two of the show's characters.

"Spaceballs: The Animated Series" is the result of a partnership among the G4 network, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios, Brooksfilms Ltd. and Berliner Film Companie GmbH.

2006-09-23T11:17:00.000-04:00

Evangeline Date Video

I used to call that number all the time...I never got to speak with my girl Evangeline...RIP OFF!

See thru Technology

2006-09-21T10:43:00.000-04:00

Remember those ads for "x-ray" glasses in the back of comic books and low-end men's magazines? Well, they might just become a reality thanks to Dr. Tim Drysdale.

Here's the skinny:

Dr. Drysdale, a graduate of Canterbury University, has been working on superhuman X-ray vision since 2003, when he was working on his Ph.D.

Technically, he isn't using X-rays. Instead, Dr. Drysdale is using terahertz waves which can see through clothes to find weapons or contraband and can even be used medically to determine how large a skin cancer is by looking from the surface.

Did Eye mention it can see through clothes? No? That's okay, because Dr. Drysdale did while talking to reporters.

"With terahertz imaging it is possible to see the body beneath the clothes, not just the bones that you see with X-rays," he said.

Terahertz waves lie between the highest radio frequencies and the far infrared, Drysdale explained, representing the last unexplored frontier of the radio and light-wave spectrum.

His research team achieved initial success when they discovered that sending ultra-fast pulses of visible light through specially engineered crystals could generate terahertz waves.

This is not theoretical, Drysdale and his team successfully demonstrated their device at the Britain's Royal Society meeting in July. Word of the terahertz device was passed to Queen Elizabeth, who has invited Dr. Drysdale to demonstrate it at Buckinham Palace next month -- a very big honor in the U.K.

Do you think he'll use them on the Queen?? LOL Imagine the price he could command with see thru pics of Her Majesty?

I totally see the importance of having such a devise for security measures etc, but can you imagine if Sony (or whomever) gets a chance to develop the technology for consumers? We may as well just all walk around in the buff.

Pretty neat stuff though.

The Referee is a Wanker

2006-09-21T10:34:00.000-04:00

First off today I would like to apologize to the few (very few) loyal and wonderful readers that I do have about not keeping up with this blog. I had hoped to post something about every two days or so, but with work and family stuff I've been negligent to say the least.

Sorry friends.

Secondly I am a bit of a footie (soccer) fan so this little article gave me a good laugh.

A soccer team from Essex named Stambridge United (clearly not English Premiere League) have their new unis banned because they have "The Referee is a Wanker" on them. They actually played a few games with those shirts before the league decided they were too offensive. As you know, you can practically put anything on a soccer uniform if you pay enough money. Usually it's Vodafone or Nokia or whatever but this team was sponsored by an author who wrote a book called "The Referee is a Wanker" about football chants.

We're sad that this didn't go through. It was only a matter of time before corporate greed made its way into American sports (remember the whole Spiderman on the basepads brouhaha?) and we could have anything we wanted on football uniforms. "The referee is a wanker"? Imagine if Jeremy Shockey bought the rights to his own uniform and put "Bill Parcells is a homo".

Or the millions they'd make from fans of rival teams buying the rights or paying money just to retain the rights. (Yankees vs Red Sox anyone?) Sure it wouldn't be worth it to any of the big leagues but this is a minor league promotion waiting to happen.

Can you imagine how well those jerseys would sell as merchandise? It would have been a goldmine. Too bad it got scrubbed.

Chico and the Man

2006-09-12T15:13:00.000-04:00

I got kind of a nice surprise when I got home for lunch today.

No, not the leftover chili from Sunday Football Day... SunTV out of Toronto is playing Chico and the Man.

I haven't seen it replayed in years and it was really cool to watch something that I remembered from very early in my childhood...very early. As a wee lad I remember thinking it was pretty cool that Chico got to sleep in a van.

Sure it a little bit racist, a little bit sexist and a little bit ageist but the interaction and timing of these two guys was dead on. It's almost vaudeville in nature with each constantly firing jokes and comebacks at each other.

The jokes played on stereotypes of latinos much like the "Mind Of Mencia" and "George Lopez" shows of today. There's just something about some of the jokes in Chico that make me turn around to see who's listening. Strange how times have changed.

It's such a great song by Jose Feliciano eh? I'm positive you'll be humming that tune all day.

Greasy the Happy Meat Clown

2006-09-07T12:33:00.000-04:00

I think it would be funny to try and serve it to a vegetarian...who is also deathly afraid of clowns...

Sex Doll Abuse???

2006-09-05T21:27:00.000-04:00

For some reason this article really cracked me up.

Sex Doll Rafting Competitor Disqualified For 'Apparatus' Abuse?

ST. PETERSBURG, Russia -- A participant of the annual sex doll rafting tournament near St. Petersburg, Russia, has been disqualified for doing more than rafting on his sex doll.

The first tournament took place in 2003, sponsored by a number of Russian sex shops.

According to Zizn' newspaper, Igor Osipov was not able to control his sexual desire, even in the cool water of the Vuoksa River.

Osipov was one of more than 400 Russian "sportsmen" took part in the 4th annual Bubble Baba Challenge tournament.

"It's fun and difficult to swim 1,200 meters in a stormy river with an exotic apparatus, as the inflatable ladies slip out of hands," said tournament organizer Dmitriy Bulaviniv.

At a jury's command, participants jumped into the water, but strong winds and the powerful flow of the Vuoksa snatched the wet, inflatable sex dolls from strong men’s hands. Soon, only the 40-year-old Osipov was resolutely clinging to his sex doll raft as he neared the finish line.

That's when the jury noticed Osipov’s strange rafting position and told him to moor. When he came out of the water, gazers saw signs of recent sexual activity on his inflatable sex doll.

Although the rafting contest requires sex dolls to be used, they can only be used for swimming and rafting. Accordingly, the jury found the swimmer guilty of sexual abuse of his "apparatus" and disqualified him.

"I was shocked," said a friend of Osipov. "I think it was an expression of his great desire to win."

"gazers saw signs of recent sexual activity" LOL It's funny thinking about this guy's inability to keep his pecker in his pants.

I'm not saying it's actually THIS guy.

Could be THIS guy...

Crazy Russians.

I see London, I see France...

2006-09-01T22:03:00.000-04:00

I see Lisa's underpants.

There are just somethings we shouldn't know.

BTW...who's Daddy Warbucks with Lisa in his arms??

Are you Sh**ing me???

2006-08-28T18:44:00.000-04:00

There HAS got to be a better excuse to tell your mom.

CHICAGO, Illinois -- A Chicago man told airport security he had a bomb in his luggage -- because he didn't want his mother to know it was a penis pump.

A 29-year-old man was questioned after security at the city's O'Hare Airport discovered a suspicious-looking object in his bag.

The man, who was set to fly to Turkey, told security the object was a bomb, according to news reports. In fact, he was trying to disguise the fact that the black object was a component for a penis pump.

He eventually told investigators he'd lied because his mother was standing nearby and he didn't want her to know about it.

He now faces up to three years in prison if convicted, said a spokesman with the Cook County state attorney's office.

So he'd rather face federal terrorist charges than let his mom know he's an idiot who uses a pump??

Wait!! WTF??

Who in their right mind TRAVELS with a penis pump. A penis pump ON A PLANE?? Idiot doesn't know that they check baggage.
I'm not sure but do you need it for daily exercise/pumpings? Like, if you don't use it every single day, then you have to start at stage one all over again??

Ok, let's see...what could he have said instead???
*It's a new type of Juicer? (for carrots, cucumbers and bananas)
*It's a sleep apnea breathing device (he might have to demonstrate though)
*A Bong?? (Would his mom accept a bong over a Penis pump?? My Mom would)
*Espresso maker??? (a rich, bold tasting coffee)

I've got just the person you need to meet!

2006-08-23T15:16:00.000-04:00

WTF? I can't believe I found these two stories on the same day. Someone, quick, tell that guy in India to hold off on the amputation. He's has GOT to meet this lady.

Freaky!

What It Feels Like... To Have Two Vaginas

By Anonymous, 41, record-company executive

As told to Chris Nuttall-Smith

I didn't know anything was different about me until I was fifteen. I was having all sorts of pain—woman stuff—but I'd get it checked out, and they wouldn't find anything wrong. I guess the eighth doctor was more thorough. I remember I was lying there, and I heard her say, "Oops."
What I've got is a rare condition called didelphic uterus—two vaginas, two cervices, and two uteruses. I look completely normal from the outside, but there's a septum inside where everything branches into two. My doctor says I'm one in a million.

For a while I thought I was a total freak. I lost my virginity twice. The first time was when I was eighteen. Then I lost the other side two weeks later. To the same guy. You'd think I could have saved one of them for marriage.

When I was dating, I'd just say, "So I have a little something to tell you." I never got any other reaction except, "Oh, my God, that's so cool," because they'd want to have sex in both sides and see what it felt like. Apparently, the right side is, well, more normal. The left side is a lot smaller. But they're both tight. That's a plus. I've got two G-spots, too, so I've always appreciated men who were extra dexterous with their fingers. I get to have two orgasms at the same time.

I have to wear two tampons when I get my period. It was harder to get pregnant, too, because it's hard to know which side the egg is on. That, and I had to have a C-section when I had my first child recently. Every time I go in for a Pap smear, the doctor's like, "Do you mind if I call in a few people, 'cause you know we've all heard of this but we've never seen it." You get used to all the questions, and I'm not really shy about it. Every once in a while I'll tell a guy and he'll say, "No way! I have two penises!" That would be fantastic.

I gotta go home and take a nap.

Is 2 better than 1?

2006-08-23T09:52:00.000-04:00

Hey ladies! If I told you I had two fully functioning penises, would that be something you'd be interested in?

*crickets chirping*

I thought so. I guess that's why this poor schmo is getting one of his chopped off.

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian businessman born with two penises wants one of them removed surgically as he wants to marry and lead a normal sexual life, a newspaper report said Saturday.

The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said.

"Two fully functional penes is unheard of even in medical literature. In the more common form of diphallus, one organ is rudimentary," the newspaper quoted a surgeon as saying.

The surgery was expected to be challenging as both organs were well-formed and full blood supply to the retained penis had to be ensured to allow it to function normally, he added.

The newspaper did not disclose the identity of the man or the hospital to protect the patient's privacy.

There are about 100 such reported cases of diphallus around the world and it is known to occur among one in 5.5 million men, the newspaper said.

But wait!! Maybe he should think about this. He's poised to create a whole new sex fetish and if he goes through with the choppy choppy he's going to lose millions in Internet revenue.

Heck...he's Indian. He could come up with at least....13 new pages for the Kama Sutra as well.

White Bengal Tigers

2006-08-21T20:46:00.000-04:00

I have always loved tigers but these are some crazy pictures.

First you think this guy is beautiful and graceful swimming at this zoo....

...then *BOOM*!!!

That is one pissed off tiger!!!

Imagine that poor little girl in the first picture...crapping her Baby Gap jeans. LOL

Just think for a moment...

2006-08-21T20:13:00.000-04:00

This...this person...

...is considered talented and famous and makes more money than any of us could ever dream of.

Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?

This Once Again Proves My Theory...

2006-08-17T15:28:00.000-04:00

German women love David Hasselhoff!

No, no, no...that that again.

My theory that "German women love flinging poo".

Strangely enough I couldn't find a photo of German Women flinging Poo. "Clean" photos that is. There were, however, plenty...PLENTY of strange German sex sites willing to oblige my search parameters. I'll just leave it at that.

lesson: Careful what you search for.

BERLIN (Reuters) - Thieves in Germany stole 7,500 euros ($9,554) from a man by throwing feces at him from behind and then pick-pocketing him while they pretended to help clean up the mess, authorities said Monday.

After withdrawing 8,000 euros from a bank for a holiday the man was struck in the back of the neck by what he described as human feces, police in the central town of Giessen said.

"Immediately afterwards two large women came up to him from behind and claimed they had seen someone excreting down onto the street from above," police said in a statement.

The two women then began briskly wiping the filth from the man's clothing with paper towels they had with them. They were soon joined by a third man, who also came bearing paper towels.

Only when the man went to take his foul-smelling trousers to cleaners did he notice that 7,500 euros had been taken from his back pocket by one of the would-be helpers, police said.

I can't believe these bold women criminals. A while ago I posted about the Swedish Sauna theives and now this. I gotta give props to all the ladies out there. You're nothing if not original.

Old Advertising is Funny

2006-08-15T14:14:00.000-04:00

This is from a web site I found while being bored at work.

Shaving Baby!!! LOL What a gimmick. It sucks to think that even after all these years I'm STILL stropping and honing.

They also seemed to be pretty informative:

translation: Keep your bayonnet in your rucksack, soldier!!

Stick to these good wholesome girls instead...cuz...well, the ad says it all.

Check out the rest with a swift click in the mouse. I think "Vibra-Finger" is a my favourite. Get Two and Save a dollar! HA!

Earth Shattering "O"

2006-08-14T14:51:00.000-04:00

Well...building shattering anyway. The Bloke has got some major thrusting power huh?

Woman Falls Through Floor While Having Sex

TALINN, Estonia -- A woman who fell through the floor of an old house in the Estonian capital Tallinn while having sex had to be pulled out of the basement by rescuers using a fire-fighter's ladder, officials said on Tuesday.

"A couple from the street entered the courtyard of an old house under renovation, and the woman fell through the floor while apparently having sex," said a rescue department spokesperson.

"Rescuers had to use a fire fighting ladder to rescue the 22-year-old woman from the basement, which was 2.5 meters (about 8 feet) deep," he said.

The incident happened in Tallinn's mediaeval Old Town.

"The woman, who was conscious and breathing after the accident, was taken to hospital for treatment," the spokesman told reporters.

I am sure glad she was conscious AND breathing. The worst thing I ever did was get a leg cramp once and fell off the bed.

I heart Evangeline Lily

2006-08-13T20:08:00.000-04:00

Ever since Lost debuted I have been a huge fan of Evangeline. Cute and Canadian...whatelse is there to say.

This statement she made not only echoes my sentiments of the Paris Hiltons and Nicole Ritchies of the world, but also makes me love her even more.

(KP International) Lost's Evangeline Lilly has recently reprimanded the lazy and selfish socialites of the world too concerned about themselves to give to others in need.

"I need to help people or I'd be no better than the Paris Hiltons of the world, waltzing around with their Louis Vuitton bags and their little dogs," said the 27-year-old Alberta native. "Those people couldn't give a rat's a*s if somebody was starving in the street next to them."

In contrast, Lilly has praised those in Hollywood who are trying to make a difference. "Hollywood is the Sodom and Gomorrah of today. It's a world I avoid because it's destroying our culture. And yet, I've recently seen a turnaround. People like George Clooney and Michael Moore are using Hollywood as a platform to send out positive messages."

Rather than glaming it up for a gaggle of galas, Lilly prefers the calmer, less flashy life. Lilly said she enjoys resting in Hawaii, where the hit ABC TV series Lost is filmed, or participating in philanthropic activities.

Now if we could only convince her that dating a Hobbit is a bad idea.

Swedish Women Will Get You Every Time

2006-08-08T20:46:00.000-04:00

LOL...I like the fact that the Women got the better of these Idiots!!

The moral of this story is "Beware of Swedish Women baring Strawberries with promises of a steam bath"

ÖREBRO, Sweden -- Three naked men walking on a bike path in Örebro, in central Sweden were stopped by police early on Wednesday.

“The young men were completely naked,” said a police spokesman, according to Dagens Nyheter. “The only thing they had with them was a bag with strawberries.”

Police stumbled across the three men during a routine neighborhood inspection.

“They said they had been tricked by a few girls with whom they had gone into the sauna,” he said. “The girls took all of their clothes and disappeared.”

They said they had no other way to get home at 4 a.m. than to stroll home naked. Police took sympathy and offered them a lift home.

HAHA Strawberries in the Sauna...that's the oldest trick in the book. Idiots!

Skinny Dip anyone??

2006-08-04T20:51:00.000-04:00

Oh man...I haven't been able to stop laughing since I read this article. But seriously, who HASN'T been in this situation? Huh?...Liars!

It reminds me of that Coors Light commercial where the "doctor" keeps asking the crowd for something cold to help soothe the poor fellow who's fallen.

Can you just see the poor guy calling out for anything cold to shrink his massive gonads?? And then when no one offered up their crystal cold Coors Light to him, they bring out the chain saws, the mere sight of which should have shrank those bad boys right up IMO.

Deckchair trapped testicles

A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had got stuck.

Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia, reports 24sata.

His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down on his wooden deckchair.

But as he lay in the sun they expanded back to normal size and got stuck between the slats.

He was eventually freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deck chair in half.

Hmmm...A nice skinny dip sounds refreshing right about now. Doesn't it??

New Paris, Same as the Old Paris

2006-08-02T10:25:00.000-04:00

Apparently the "world's top Paris Hilton lookalike" is from Winnipeg, Canada. Who would have thunk it?

And because of this acclaim, which by the way just crept ahead of "being Mel Gibson", Natalie Reid (shown above) is set to show more than her lookalike-abilities in Playboy...by that I mean we'll see her boobies!

That's hot! (I feel so unclean saying that)

Reid, incidently, makes $2000 a pop just being vapid and beautiful. Wow! she really is JUST LIKE Paris!!

Now what I'm curious to see is will the public hate her as much as the "real" Paris? And if not, why? I would guess she would have to be even more hated since she is twice as bad as a "real" Paris.

Stay with me...

She's cashing in by acting like an airhead who is cashing in by being an airhead. Isn't that wierd? Anyone for a smoke and a pancake??

When Cool gets a little Hot under the Collar

2006-08-01T19:29:00.000-04:00

Barry White: Radio spot

Sometimes even the ultimate in cool can come unravelled. "Oooooh Baby! I love the sexy slither of a lady snake."

Now, I'm definitely NOT saying that the late great Mr. White is an Idiot...more like that guy who wrote that commercial. Geez, doesn't he know Barry White? That copy was anything BUT sexy. I hope he got his ass fired.

All you had to say was...

"Hi, this is Barry White, join me for a sexy weekend of sensuous music and hot tennis action down in Waco Texas. Me and all the fine ladies are gonna get down and get busy...oooh baby, can't get enough of Paul Quinn College Babe!"

Ha...now look who's being an Idiot. LOL I love You Tube.

This just proves my Theory...

2006-07-26T15:36:00.000-04:00

...Germans love David Hasselhoff!!

No not that theory, the one that states, Only Idiots Use a Blog.

When bored at work i sometimes hit the "Next Blog" button at the top right hand side of Blogger pages. Just to see what I get.

I found this today.

"Bananas

I just ate one, and I don't like them. They are good for you. They provide potassium and good carbs. But I think they're icky and I have to work to finish one. Trying to envision all the good of the banana helped me to gag it down."

That was the whole post. Now I know I'm not much of a creative poster myself but c'mon!

I could Blog about how the Listerine burns when i swish, or how Flip Flops make my friend squeamish (ture story)...I don't, but I could.

Now I won't reveal the name of the Blog or the person, cuz that's pretty bad, but i will direct this person (who is not an 8 year old girl btw) to steer clear of this guy.

Methinks someone has a phallic obsession like a FotherMucker. Not the Blog Idiot, the yellow Idiot.

Have a great day everyone.

2006-07-23T19:57:00.000-04:00

Trooper Clerks

Ok...so you've surmised that I figured out how to use Blog and Youtube together as one delicious candy with a delightfully gooey centre. So here is a blend of two of my great loves..Star Wars and Clerks.

Most of you, I'm sure, have already seen this (if you're cool)but what the heck. Enjoy

2006-07-23T19:51:00.000-04:00

Bear Driving!!!

Hilarious! This is what happens when you let the Korean Animators finish CLERKS.

Dante & Randall Strike Back

2006-07-23T18:49:00.000-04:00

I went to see Clerks II today....

...and it's all about hetero-life mates.

Yep, that's right aside from the gorgeous Rosario Dawson with her big, beautiful boobies bouncing around, it's all about men loving men.

I'm serious. And I'm seriously thinking about emailing Kevin Smith and asking for my seven-fiddy back. It's a big comic dick fest!!

Let me first say that i am a huge fan of Kevin Smith, his life, his attitude, BUT not all of his work. (actually I pretty much like everything EXCEPT Chasing Amy)

Clerks. - I loved it, intelligenly written for my mentality at that time. It was one of those movies you and your cool friends travelled 2 hours to see in the big city cuz they didn't play artsy films like that back in good old 1996...plus we had the dialogue memorized to the point where "others" wouldn't know what we were talking about. Yeah..we were Clerks. nerds.

So here we are 10 years later and I am lucky enough to still be in contact with one of those cool friends that went to see it all those years ago. One of those who can still recite Randall's theory of the Death Star labour force.

The movie is pretty much what we expected. A lot of foul language, a lot of non-politically correct scenes and vulgarity. But like I said in the opening...lots of "Man Love"!!!

1. Like Bert and Ernie, Jay and Silent Bob are still together, making us all question their sexual leanings.

2. Randall and Dante are still together...(see above)

3. There are sexually explicit scenes of ACTUAL male on male sex that I care not to repeat, I'll let you witness it for yourselves.

4. There is much talk about how Hobbits are gay (not that there's anything wrong with that)

5. There is even a scene were one of the other clerks, Elias', sexual preferences are challenged.

Now most of it was truly funny, gross, funny, offensive, disturbing, funny, vomit inducing, side splitting...there just that man on man trend within the movie that, strangely, Smith doesn't mention anyway on his media blitz across the nation.

But mostly I'll remember Rosario...

In the end IT IS a funny movie...2 things to watch for:

...Pussy Troll
...Buffalo Bill

Snoogans

2006-07-20T21:47:00.000-04:00

Vader Sessions

Sit back and enjoy. Vader parodies crack me, so consistenly, up.

New Toys

2006-07-18T08:54:00.000-04:00

We've been talking about getting a DVD Recorder since my birthday (in March) and it finally happened on the weekend. Ended up with the Top-Of-The-Store model LG brand recorder with 250G of hardrive. That's alot of space to record pR0n i tells ya!!!

Anyway, the next thing to get was an upgrade to our Bell ExpressVU reciever. I have been using an OLD model for about 7 years. It worked great but it doesn't have the feature of working with the timer on the recorder. Now everything is cool. I am pretty happy to have something new to tinker around with...even though most people have been using DVD recorders for three years or so. I'm always behind the times.

No matter, now I can burn directly to a disk or save things on the Hardrive and edit them later. I can load pictures straight from the mem card and finally convert my home video directly to disk.

So....

...as I get ready to play away at the features, etc of the new system, the power goes out! We had a pretty nasty storm last night. It tore up trees all over the city. Power is stil out in some areas, rooves were lifted, sheds blown away. Basically a mini hurricane without all the water. They say there were even a few tornados. CRAZY.

Luckily our neighbourhood was spared (except for the 4 hour power black out). I actually was able to BBQ our dinner on the deck without getting too wet.

Back to normal today (was hoping that somehow the office was blown away). Boo! Hiss!

Little Man

2006-07-12T21:13:00.000-04:00

The Wayan Bros. must be stopped!

Ok...Scary Movie was funny. Scary Movie 2 and 3?? Not so much.

White Chicks nearly had me vomiting my SlimJims from the site of the brothers in that horrid white make-up and blue, china doll, eyes. *Shiver*

Now they come up with Little Man. About a pint-sized crook that evades the police by posing as a baby.

That's just blatant thievery....and stealing from Bugs Bunny ain't cool in my book sistah!

That's right they stole the entire premise from a Bugs Bunny Cartoon from 1954 call "Baby Buggy Bunny" featuring the celebrated voice of Mel Blanc as Ant Hill Harry aka Baby Face Finster. It's one of my favourite cartoons which is why this movie has gotten me all riled up. I hate remakes.

After all this, they had better make a decent movie out of the story, just for the sake of not tarnishing the great memory of the Bugs cartoon. But come on...really...This is going to be about as good as a Krusty Whatchamcarcass Sandwich...that's right, it's non-diseased meat but from a diseased animal...ugh!

Stuff like this make me pretty mad. Either 1) there is no creative minds left in Hollywood or 2) those people making movies are too lazy and scared to make original, creative movies. It's all about the opening weekend, "let's see how many people we can scam into seeing this steaming pile of horse shit and then go on to the next remake, or re-imaged pile of horse shit" thing.

I see they are remaking "Adventures in Babysitting" now with Raven Simone...what's next?

"Smurfs 2007" is sure to be a hit...

...damn smurfing Idiots!

Dead Man's Chest

2006-07-09T21:35:00.000-04:00

We went to see Pirate's of the Caribbean 2 this afternoon.

It's THE Best example of how a summer movie should be. Pirates!!! More pirates I say!!!

I say this because there is no preachy sub text like in Superman Return or Xmen 3. It's not a Crib note version of a book like daVinci Code.

It was Damn Fun!

I think that once again Depp is superb as Sparrow...BUT maybe a little TOO Sparrow at some points. You know what I mean? It's hard for me to explain it. Like he is making a caricature of a character that is already a caricature of 'Keef'. Some times it seems like it's not Depp that is overacting, but Sparrow is overacting?!?! Like the character is going for the laughs. There are times when I was laughing at it but at the same time saying where's all the cheese to go with all this HAM!

And I gotta say,love her or hate her, Keira Knightly is beautiful. Gorgeous! Albeit, we never see her jutting chest bones or ribcage, she's hidden behind billowy dresses and pirate "puffy" shirts. Perhaps a good thing.

The Davy Jones creature is very cool as are his salty dog crew and SpongeBob should be very afraid of THIS Flying Dutchman. LOL

The only problem with going to a "family" movie is the freakin', hillbilly kids kicking the back of your seat...*sigh*....IDIOTS!!!

Like Seagulls on a lone French Fry

2006-07-09T20:57:00.000-04:00

I've been talking to someone lately and she is lamenting the fact that it seems like guys only go for the thin, bubbly hot chick with the tight clothes and vapid personality. You know the ones. The girls that giggle at everything the frat boys say, pretend to be drunker than they are, love the fact that guys hit on them, and get moody when guys don't hit on them.

I certainly know the type.

In fact I saw this entire phenomenon in action at a pool party Saturday night. It wasn't a big party, just some close friend with whom we play baseball or volleyball. The host has just purchased this place with pool (duh), pool table, shuffleboard, big screen tv's etc,etc. A real, honest to goodness bachelor pad.

Anyway, like I said, small group, mostly married people and ...ONE single girl!!!

ONE!!!

So as the title suggests, it was like watching seagulls all trying to get at that one French fry you throw a them on the beach. Remember "Finding Nemo"? "Mine! Mine! Mine! Got the picture?? LOL

And it is in this scene that I noticed both sides of this story...The lone girl (shapely, tight clothes, flirty), obviously enjoying the attention from all these guys...AND the ape-like, chestpounding guys who like this behaviour.

So...

Is it alcohol that fuels the behaviour? Natural selection? Was she giving off pheremones?

All I can say is that I had a riot watching the guys. The girl? Yeah, she's pretty bosomy (ha, bosom) and friendly and flirty...But I got to wonder if it was more a lack of choice for these guys that physical good looks.

So in conclusion:

Yes, guys like the Barbie Dolls. Does it always make a relationship? I'm not sure. Just look at Nick and Jessica. She Dumb but Hot...He slightly Less Dumb but not too dumb to know you can have a relationship with a plastic ideal.

All we can do is sit back and laugh at the seagulls...Idiots!!!

A Canada Day Memory

2006-07-06T15:16:00.000-04:00

So being the Idiot that I am, I drank too much tequila on Canada Day. Therefore some of the following events come back to me only in a sort of blurred haze...

I am walking down the street, on my way to get greasy pizza and a girl runs into me.

Bam!!

Just like a bird into a pane of glass...as if i wasn't even there. (I'm 6'2" so I guess I am pretty hard to miss)

Anyway she bounces off me and Poof!!!

Off comes her sun dress. As if by some magical release string, top comes down...boobie comes out.

I think I even turned to her and said "wow, nice boobie" although i can neither confirm nor deny this. Friends in tow are also unable to recall.

I wish I could recall....

...damn IDIOTIC Tequila.

Two in one Day? What an Idiot!!!

2006-06-29T21:22:00.000-04:00

Well it's been pissing rain here for a couple of days off and on and our baseball game is cancelled.

(this is me looking sad)

Organized sport is an odd animal. On one hand I love to win on the other it really is just nice to get out with some friends and hit the ball around. I've been on winning teams, like the current roster, and some that NEVER win. Oddly, I've enjoyed both equally.

Some teams are made up of friends and others are "assembled" from amongst the better players. I go for the friends teams because win or lose, there's always draft beer and food waiting at the pub.

So with the rain still pit-pattering on the roof, I will continue to practice my guitar and hope it stops for the long weekend.

Even the dogs look miserable. Maybe it's the rain...maybe it's my piss poor strumming technique.

What a year!!

2006-06-29T11:21:00.000-04:00

I decided recently that maybe I could come back to this blog and write a little something everyday day or so.

Maybe...

Maybe I need to be an Idiot once in a while...people like Idiots, right?

Lately I have been cruising the blogs of other people. (Sometimes I just click that "Next Blog" button up in the right hand corner.) Everyone is so funny and creative and I really enjoy just being able to click their links and dissolve into their lives for a half hour or so...add the occasional comment...then get back to the hum-drum of my life.

So I posted on someones blog and they happened to check out this place, cuz that's what people do, they click on your name and make sure your not a spammer....or a crazy person.

Anyway it got me to thinking that maybe I should keep "Idiots" up-tp-date.

It's been almost a year since i started it. And frankly I only did it so that i could post on the Corrie Canuck site without being "anonymous" all the time. I think the owners of any site appreciate that you're not just a lurker.

A whole year!!

Well, things around here certainly need cleaning up. The grass is out of control, the milk has turned sour and the cockroaches are giving me dirty looks from the corner.

From now on you'll see me squirt out things about my love of Coronation Street....(and my love of Violet);

Maybe some wrestling ....(EC-Dub!!! EC-Dub!!!!);

Sports...( I play baseball, volleyball, tennis, badminton and ...scrabble);

And perhaps pictures, if I can ever figure out how to post them.

This is when heros are made people!!!!

...or is it Idiots? I can't decide...

Oh the Pressure...

2005-09-01T08:37:00.000-04:00

Ok. I'm already feeling the pressure to post...*coughMJcough*

So I'm only writing something today so that my poem isn't the last thing people will see.

Many things happening I guess...

Gas prices soar in a time when people in the southern US need to evacuate. Homes are devastated, planes are grounded, no trains or buses so officials feel the need to raise gas prices so that people are forced to pay higher prices.

What do you think?

The president had already announced that he would deal swiftly with price gouging and looting. What's the difference? Looks like Price Gouging to me...just from higher levels.

I know a lot of radio stations have stopped playing "New Orleans in Sinking" by the Tragically Hip out of respect. Ok...nice touch. Americans don't listen to TH anyway, but ok.

Another thought I had last night watching the devastation: Can you imagine what would have happened if the Mayor or NO hadn't have made a forced evacuation notice??? It really would have been as bad as the Tsunami.

ROCKSTAR INXS was really good last night. A little drama, a lot of talent and there are still 2 Canucks left; Suzie and JD. Personally I think JD is a good fit for the band. He's got attitude, sagger, sass and he can sing the **** out of it. A lot of people don't like him for many of the reason I stated but that's what a Rock Star is, isn't it?....or else my teen years listening to rock/heavy metal have taught me nothing.

Coronation Street has become a shoot em up, bad ass show lately. It looks like Micheal Bay is producing with all the explosions and high tension camera angles...It's Great!!! I won't spoil anything here but click on the side bar for a link to Corrie fans for more information and lots of fun. The chicks over there are awesome!!!

That's it...back to work.

An in conclusion..."Only Idiots use a Blog to blather on about things that happened the night before"

Pamer Out!!!

Am I Wrong?

2005-08-31T13:58:00.000-04:00

Silent Chaos

A poem by Pamer

Use the whisper,
as a window to anger.
Use the murmur,
as a portal to spite.
Use the growl and curse and groan and scoff
as an inner sanctum monologue,
for relief.

See!! What an Idiot, right?

That's right Suckas!!!

2005-08-31T11:30:00.000-04:00

Only Idiots use a blog!

I know a lot of people may take offence to my Blog title and others will say "what an Idiot, he's using a Blog!"

Yes I am an idiot, there's no question there, ask anyone...go on...ASK!!

But what I am trying to convey is that a lot of the Bloggership out there are looking for something. A mate perhaps...therefore "Only Idiots use a Blog... to find a meaningful relationship with the opposite sex."

Or they use it as a place to showcase their poetry...so..."Only Idiots use a Blog...thinking that people care about your damn poetry"

Get it??

Others are using the blog system as a way to put forth their own personal ideas of Politics, Religion, War, Famine, Drugs or whatever else happens to be in the news. Believe me...these people are barking up the wrong tree if they think anyone takes their views seriously...this is Blog Country people, no one cares if you think Bush is wrong...most already know and either don't care or are resigned to that factoid.

So what DO we need Blogs for?

I think they are good spots for discussion...not preaching. Like I always say, opinions are like @$$holes...

I also think they are good for keeping in touch with family and friends...posting pictures of loved ones etc.

I am going to use mine to complain about stuff.
I am going to use it to spread gossip and vile rumours.

Who cares right?